Classroom of the Caribbean
by SalohcinSilverwing
Summary: A short comedy about the Port Royal Middle school, where all the main characters from POTC take an extremely difficult exam by the hardest teacher ever: Mistress Ching! Can they pass it, or will they fail miserably? Find out...
1. The Exam

Classroom of the Caribbean

Chapter I

Disclaimer: I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean, or any of their characters.

_Note: This story is used for comedic purposes only. I am not trying to make fun of POTC; in fact, it is one of my favorite movie series. However, many of the events in this story might not be true to the characters' movie counter-parts. (Example: in the story, Davy Jones is "tenticley" at an early age.) If you are offended by the fact that the main characters of POTC are about 13 years old, and are all taking an exam together, than TOO BAD._

It was one of the most dreaded days in Port Royal Middle School: exam day. Most all of the 8th graders wereeither stressed or depressed about the oncoming exam. Especially 3rd period, because they had the meanest, hardest, strictest, and most cruel teacher in the Spanish Main: Mistress Ching.

The clock struck 8:30, and the 3rd period students started walking into the classroom: Jack Sparrow, Will Turner, Elizabeth Swann, James Norrington, Cutler Beckett, Davy Jones, Tia Dalma, Sao Feng, Hector Barbossa, Pintel and Ragetti all enter the classroom.

"Students," said Mistress Ching, "take your seats."

Instantly, every students took their respective seat, where a turned over packet of paper was in front of them.

"You may start your exams..." Mistress Ching instructed, "Now."

Every student turned over their paper, took out their pens, and began.

At the front row of the desks stood James Norrington. Norrington loved to be the teacher's pet, in hopes that he would get good grades on his exam. Before the exam began, Norrington put a shiny green apple on Ching's desk. He worked on his exam diligently, and without stress, having studied all night.

Near the middle of the classroom, Jack Sparrow was having trouble. He was so terrified about this exam, he had to steal a glass of his father's best rum, in order to calm himself down. It wasn't working. Jack's vision was so impaired, he had a hard time simply reading the questions. Jack put his hands to his head, in a desperate attempt to stop his head from rapidly spinning. _Oh, what was in that rum?!_

Davy Jones and Tia Dalma both sat next to each other in the back of the classroom holding hands. They were both wearing the crab-shaped lockets they had both received from the other. They weren't concentrating on their tests, they were too busy gazing deeply into each other's eyes. _I will gladly cut out my heart, and wait ten years at sea for this woman._ Thought Davy Jones as he continued to hold Tai's hand. _Sure Tentacle Boy is cute now, but I definitely won't wait ten years for this piece of calamari._ Tai Dalma thought as she tried to find out the best way to break up with Davy Jones after she got bored. _Ditching him at sea sounds like a good idea._ Tia forged a devious smile that only a Heathen Goddess could pull off.

Will Turner sat at the desk right behind Elizabeth. He had finished his exam early, and was using his time to look at Elizabeth. _She's so beautiful,_ Will thought in a love-struck daze. _I bet she loves the strong Blacksmith-Swordsman type._ Will instantly knew what his life occupation would be.

Right in front of Will, Elizabeth Swann tried her best to focus on her test, but as usual, she was facing problems. First, the corset that her father had given her to wear was so unbearably tight, she could hardly even think about her exam, let alone breathe. _Why must Father always make me wear these uncomfortable things? I don't see why they're so fashionable in London. And WHY is that creepy Turner boy looking at me? He's so creepy, I'll NEVER marry him! _

Near the very back, Hector Barbossa was slowly finishing his test. His head was hidden under his gigantic hat, which was good for two reasons; 1: It hid the answers to the exam that were on the inside of his hat, which he copied onto his paper. 2: nobody could see the shiny green apple he stole off of Ching's desk, which he was now taking large bites out off. _Thank ye, Norrington, _thought Barbossa, _you giant kiss-up._ Barbossa laughed behind his giant hat.

Sao Feng, Port Royal's newest foreign-exchange student, sat at a small corner, and he was panicking. _What do these letters mean?! What is this test about?! I can't understand this dribble!_ Sao Feng had no idea what to do, so he tried to look at Will's paper, but had no luck, since Will kept blocking his answers. Sao Feng started to sweat, as he collapsed from stress onto his desk.

Cutler Becket sat at the very front of the classroom, next to his "friend", James. Becket was trying to give away an "innocent little student" look, but deep inside, he was filling with hatred. But true nature aside, he managed to continue taking his test with a cool head.

Deep in the opposite corner of Sao Feng, Pintel and Ragetti sat side to side. Ragetti had written every answer onto his wooden eye, and was slyly acing the test while he let Pintel copy off of him. Nobody suspected a thing. _This is so easy,_ they both thought.

**To Be Continued,**

(after a few reviews)


	2. The Results

**Chapter 2: The Results**

**Thank you all, for your nice reviews. (I never thought that it would be that quick.) I'm pretty sure that this will be the last chapter, since this is a short one-shot.**

Last night, at the Port Royal Middle School, Mistress Ching finished grading the 3rd period exams. She was, to say the least, disappointed.

The 3rd period students all returned the next day, with the same expressions as last time. Each student waited patiently as Mistress Ching passed out the results:

Jack Sparrow received an "F", due to the fact that his paper was nothing but drunken scribbles. He was also punished for scribbling all over his desk. A parent-teacher conference was also held, due to Jack's "intoxication".

Will Turner received a "B-". He made excellent marks in the questions regarding "Blacksmithing" and "Swordsmanship", although he missed the questions regarding "How to let the girl you love know you are madly in love with her". He also received a restraining order from Elizabeth, not to exceed 25 yards.

Davy Jones and Tia Dalm both got an "F" due to their lovey-dovey "distractions".

Elizabeth received an "F" due to her unusually tight corset, and the fact that Will kept staring at her, which freaked her out. Apparently, London women don't care about breathing _or_ making good grades. Fortunately, due to the fact that she is the governor's daughter, and the fact that Mistress Ching gives in to huge bribes, she will be able to retake the test.

James Norrington received an "A", due to the fact that he is a huge kiss-up, and has too much study time. (Eunuch)

Cutler Beckett received an "F" due to the fact that half of his answers were "East India Trading Company Rules", the other half was "Death to Piracy" and that his paper was full of doodles of ironic pirate deaths.

Hector Barbossa received"A", despite Mistress Ching's suspicions. The mystery as to why the paper was full of tiny apple pieces will, most likely, never be solved.

Pintel and Ragetti both received "F"s. They would have both passed, but Ragetti's wooden eye fell out of his socket, (again) rolled across the floor, and stopped right at Ching's shoes. Ragetti though they were in the clear since Ching was blind but Norrington gladly took the opportunity to tattle, and read the inside answers of the eye to her. Ragetti got beat up by Pintel afterwards.

Sao Feng received an "F" due to the fact that every answer consisted of the only phrase he knew how to write in English: "More steam!" Apparently, yelling the phrase out-loud to Ching, (whom Sao Feng referred to in Chinese as "The worst bathhouse attendant ever") didn't help.

**The End.**


	3. The Conference

**Thanks to the number of reviews requesting this, the final chapter is now being posted. Enjoy. (for those of you who don't know, Mistress Ching is blind.)**

It was a cold, rainy afternoon in Port Royal Middle School, as Mistress Ching patently sat in her desk, awaiting the arrival of Jack Sparrow, her least favorite student, and his parents.

Jack walked along the pier with his dad, Captain Teague. The effects of his "intoxication" had worn off, and Jack was, embarrassed to say the least, to even mention the parent-teacher conference. Although Jack was getting splashed and pelted with rain, Teague paid no attention to the gloomy weather.

"I hope you're not in _too_ deep, Jackie," Teague said as he scolded his son. "Let's not try to make a bad impression with your teacher. As if your impression could get any deeper." Jack looked at the floor-boards for the entire walk.

As Jack and Teague opened the door, they were welcomed with a not-so-friendly greeting from Mistress Ching. "Ah, the Sparrow family. Please, come in. Take a seat." Jack and Teague both sat at the two closest desks to Ching, after they scooted them back a bit. Teague put his feet on a second desk, while Jack slowly slouched at his desk, trying his best not to be seen.

Even though Ching was blind, she could cense that only Jack's father was present. "Mr. Teague, I thank you for coming here, but, as I hope your son told you, I requested _both_ parents to be here."

_So, this teacher isn't as blind as I suspected._ Teague thought to himself as he quickly resolved the problem. "Thank you for pointing that out, Miss Ching. But, as you can not-very-plainly see, me, Jack, _and _the misses are all here." And as Teague finished his sentence, he pulled out a newly-shrunken head with long, dark hair, and placed it on Ching's desk. Ching picked up the object on her desk, and, to her disgust, put it back on her desk, as far away as she could.

"Very well," Ching said. "Now, shall we begin with the conference?"

"By all means." Teague answered. "Right Jackie?" At this last question, Jack bounced up a few feet and, after he recovered from his shock, uttered a sound like a small animal.

"Mr. Teague," Ching began, "It has come to my attention that your son not only miserably failed my test…"

"Look, Miss Ching," Teague interrupted, "It's no hidden secret that Jackie here, isn't what you would call…'bookish'. In fact, I think he failed a test on my account. Runs in the family, you know."

At this, Ching had had enough. "That isn't the worst part of the problem. You see, your son not only failed my test, but he also came to class drunk, for the entire day."

Teague was very surprised at this comment. "Jackie," Teague turned to his son. "Is it true that you stole some of my personal alcohol?"

Now, for the first time today, Jack spoke. "Yes." His answer could be very much mistaken for a mouse's squeak.

Teague was starting to build with interest. "And which drink, exactly, did you take, Jackie?"

Jack tried to sink as low to the floor as he could. "The one with the black bottle, and the crossbones on it." _How could this get any worse?_

Teague's voice began to rise. "Are you telling me, Jackie, that you had an entire bottle of my strongest, most expensive, most potent drink in my entire cache? The "Kraken Killer"? And you stayed awake the entire school-day?!"

Jack couldn't stand it any longer, so he blurted out his answer as loud as he could. "YES!" Jack started to weep, trying his best, but unsuccessfully, to hide his tears.

By now, Jack expected the worst to come, but, to his great surprise, his father started to laugh uncontrollably.

"Oh Jackie, Jackie, Jackie. I can't believe you! Even one cup of that stuff knocks me out for about three hours straight! But you, you stayed awake for a whole day!" At this, Teague rolled over laughing, but still very proud of his son.

At this, Mistress Ching had had enough. "And what," Mistress Ching said in an outrage, "do you plan to do about this problem?"

Teague immediately stopped laughing, and looked straight at Mistress Ching. "What problem? I don't see any problem with my boy, just a huge achievement! I think I know what the problem is here, Miss Ching: It's YOU! You are without a doubt, the worst teacher I have ever seen. If you are going to be the person to teach my Jackie what he needs to know in life, than there is definitely a problem. I think that it's time he left this so-called school." Teague turned to Jack. "From now on, Jackie, _I'll _teach you. I can't put your intelligence in the hands of this woman. Come along now, we're leaving."

And with that, Teague picked up his shrunken head, got Jack up from his very surprised state, and walked out of the classroom. And Jack had never been happier.

"Good day to you, madam." Teague said as he and Jack closed the door.

Now, Mistress Ching was left alone in an empty classroom with nothing but empty desks, and a wide grin on her face.

_Finally, he's gone._

**The End.**

**(and this time, I mean it.)**


End file.
